The Dark Side of the Training Grounds
by x WhatsherFace x
Summary: Tenten's remedy to problems is to act like they don't exist. When it comes to Neji, she only wishes she could. When her feelings for him overwhelm her, Tenten decides to quit Team Gai in favor of finding a decent guy who will kiss her.
1. Tenten Makes a Decision

A/N: Oops! I almost forgot an author's note. So I know I kind of have been ignoring Cowardice for a bit, but this idea hit me and I finally cranked out enough to make a semi-decent first chapter. Maybe...Not really. But anyways, this is my other Naruto OTP, NejiTen! I hope you all enjoy. :)

BIG NOTE: Uhm, this is embarrassing. I didn't realize that I had marked the fic as complete, because it totally isn't. I am so, so sorry if I pulled in people who wanted a complete fic. On the other hand, maybe you will come back for more, eh!? Thanks for reviewing, you guys are way too kind to me!

Disclaimer: I don't own nuffink.

* * *

There are two defining factors in my life at this moment.

The first one is that my name is Tenten, I am nineteen years old, and I have never been kissed by a boy.

How atrociously pathetic is that? I turn twenty in less than a month, and I've never had a boyfriend.

That isn't to say I've never liked anybody. On the contrary, I've liked a few people in my day. Oh, my God, I sound like I'm 75! No wonder nobody's ever kissed me, they all must think I'm going senile!

But I'm tired. I'm so, so tired of being overlooked when it comes to romantic prospects. I remember overhearing a conversation that the guys were having a couple years back. I _really _hate Naruto sometimes…

"Why are we here, Naruto?" was the question they were all asking him at the training grounds. At the time I hadn't thought it was anything major because why would Naruto conduct a secret meeting in the very public training grounds?

Because Naruto is an idiot, that is why. And I only mean that in a minorly insulting way. He's too kind sometimes for his own good, a major pervert and totally in love with Hinata. Plus his loyalty to his friends is pretty inspiring.

Anyways, everyone there was grumbling with a mix of "Hn's", "Troublesomes", and "Is there food involved? Because I'm not so sure I want to stick around otherwise…"

"Guys, I have gathered us together on this day to speak of one of the most important subjects of all: Girls. Specifically, the fine females of our teams. I am currently on the lookout for a fine piece of woman and who better than a fellow teammate?"

The groans of response were long and loud as Sasuke emitted a dismissive, "Dobe" and left.

"Teme, come back here, I'm not done yet!" Naruto hollered. Ah, subtlety is not Naruto's strongest suit. He moaned after Sasuke for a few more moments before he rolled his eyes and got back to the point.

"I want your guy's opinions. I mean, who do we have to choose from here? Sakura, Ino, Hinata (I guess…), and that's basically it!"

What? _What?_ "That's basically it"??? Stupid Naruto, what does he know anyways? As if I'd look at him a second time if he asked me out to begin with!

"What about Tenten, Naruto? She is overflowing with the power of youthfulness and beauty!!" Lee raved, the telltale sparkle entering his eyes.

"What about her, Fuzzy Brows? It's just _Tenten_, nothing special, right guys?"

Neji "Hn'd" and stalked off, muttering that he was wasting valuable training time and he needed to find me, while silly old Lee stood up for me to everyone else.

"Eh, Lee, you've gotta admit Naruto here may have a point. The only thing special about Tenten is that when you break up with her she's gunna be able to pin your ass to the wall from 100 paces!" Kiba crowed.

So that's all I've got to say about myself? That when some guy breaks my heart I could chop him into tiny pieces from a town away? God, that's just great.

"She's too skinny for my tastes. I need a girl who appreciates food as much as me!" Choji admitted.

I left shortly after that, since the conversation was upsetting on top of completely juvenile. It wasn't even that insulting, really, since it was—_is_—basically the truth, plus it was completely retarded if you thought about it.

Which I did. A lot more than I should have. The only conclusion my thoughts were leading to was that I didn't, and still don't, want to change. I like being a weapons master. I relish in the feel of cool steel between my fingertips, before I let loose a deadly array of kunai or shuriken.

I only let it get to me at the time because nobody stood up for me. Lee did, sure, but Lee sticks up for everyone. You only hear the words "springtime of youth" so many times until you learn that they don't actually mean anything substantial. Neji just walked away, Kiba went on to make fun of me, Choji says I'm too skinny, and nobody else thought to say, "Hey, Tenten's a pretty nice girl. She isn't too ugly either, if you look at her in dim lighting."

Not that I'm stuck up or anything. I'm just using an example. I'm pretty plain, really. Seriously, brown hair, brown eyes, and I wear the same clothes everyday. There's only so much to notice, and half the time I'm sweaty and covered in either dirt or blood, sometimes even both, so you can't even see me.

Really, that's all I want. Besides a dude to kiss me, that is. For someone to look over at me, Tenten, the weapon's mistress extraordinaire, and see her. Maybe think something like, "Gee, she isn't too shabby at this angle."

Anything. I am so desperate I will take anything not saying I'm ugly or average.

My second defining factor is that I've been informed by Sakura and Ino that I'm in love with Neji.

And I may have figured out that they're right.

-o-

It's probably just a stupid crush, anyways. I mean, it isn't as if there are many available dudes for me to date, let alone see in-between missions, besides Neji, Lee, or Gai-sensei.

And when you put him up against the Green Dream Team, of course Neji is going to win.

So, yes, maybe he is _kindasortamaybe_ a little bit of a pretentious bastard. But he's getting better! And he certainly isn't the same Neji he was when we were chuunins. So maybe he still demands extreme punctuality in everyone he meets. It isn't as if Kakashi's infamous tardiness is admired by anyone, so is it really so bad?

And really, nowadays, that's Neji's biggest flaw. And if he's a little moody, well, no one is as moody as Sasuke, so does it really matter?

What I'm trying to say is that my feelings for Neji are fleeting, even if I've realized he is on my mind most of the time.

But that can't be helped either! It isn't my fault that we've been training together almost everyday for the past 7 years! And when we aren't training together, we're on missions together.

Well, okay, ever since we became jounin there are a few days where he gets called off to do other missions with other people, but he always comes back to Team Gai. Unless he joins ANBU, like he really wants to. Then I guess Lee and I will see him almost never.

That's a sobering thought if there ever was one.

Not that it'll matter, since once he gets into ANBU my feelings will have died down. I am sure they will, really. They HAVE to, there is no other option.

And I think I've done a really good job of hiding it too. Sakura and Ino hadn't even looked at me in that way that says they know that I have feelings in some form or another for Neji until last week! And the closest I feel like I've come to blowing my cover was a brief undercover mission where Neji and I had to act like a newlywed couple.

_That_ is a memory I hope doesn't surface in my mind again anytime soon. Thankfully I was able to pass it off as acting for the mission, and while he looked at me a little oddly for the next few days, I conveniently came down with a fever (it's a simple matter of standing out in the rain for multiple hours while your partner is asleep and doesn't know any better, then drying your clothes and waking up with the chills) that might've made him believe that I also hadn't been feeling well the day before when I had been "acting so strangely".

Oh well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

And maybe that mission had been almost 6 months ago, and maybe I might've recently realized that I may or may not have possibly liked Neji before that mission, and maybe before that mission meant that it might've been somewhere around a year or so before that I started getting butterflies in my stomach when he pinned me down during training, or walked into a room, or looked at me like he really _sees_ me…

I maybe have it kind of bad. But this can't last much longer, it can't! I won't allow it, and now is a really bad time for me to be in love with Neji anyways, because I think Neji is seeing someone.

He hasn't said anything to me specifically, or even implied that he is seeing another girl at all. It's just that he's been canceling training a lot lately, and he never cancels, even when he is extremely ill and/or injured. And when that happens, I usually have to knock him out as fast as possible and drag him back to his house/the hospital.

But he's already canceled practice once every week for the past two months (not that I am keeping track…) and he just stopped by to inform me that he needs to cancel again _tomorrow_ when he already canceled yesterday!!

The only reason he might do that, in my humble opinion (which is pretty accurate, if I do say so myself. Sometimes I think I know Neji better than Neji knows Neji), is because he is in love.

With another girl.

Who isn't me.

I hate talking to Sakura and Ino. They always pull things out of me, emotions-wise, that I find better to repress, such as my feelings for Neji. I mean, maybe I've known that I've had a bit of a crush on him, but I never thought it was as extreme as _loving_ him!

Sakura and Ino said that once I start saying things like, "He looks at me like he really _sees_ me, sometimes" or "When I bypass his Kaiten in training and we start fighting in close combat and he manages to pin me down on the ground with his body, I start getting a tingly feeling everywhere he is touching me and a little more breathless than I normally would be" that means I have to love him, and it definitely isn't a crush. Especially, they said, if I've "had a crush of some sort" on him for a year and a half.

I don't personally believe that having a crush on someone for over a year means that I love them. I think it just means that I never get out because I spend all of my free time with Neji training. The past two months have been an exception though, and in the beginning I still used the time to train by myself.

It's only been the past few times that Neji canceled on me that I decided to take a break and read a book or go out and walk around town. More recently I've taken to going out with Sakura and Ino, if they're free. It's not as if I've got anything better to do, unlike _Neji_.

That's how they came to realize I'm in love with Neji. Our get-togethers, that is. Because they said I spend a freakish amount of time talking about Neji for someone who claims to have no special feelings towards him. After a few weeks of that I finally gave in and told them that I may or may not have "special" feelings for Neji, but only a crush. And then it was only yesterday that they told me I'm in love with him.

Which is so, so wrong. That I love him, I mean. He's my teammate, my _friend_! We've known each other almost our entire lives, no matter how distantly. He's never thought of _me_ in that way, so why should I be allowed to think of _him_ in that way?

It's sick, that's what it is. Sakura says that it is just natural, because as a team we need to function in such close quarters, and as teammates we see each other at our best and worst moments. But I think it's bogus, and that I have some kind of genetic disorder. Or a case of anti-socialness that has produced this psychosis that I am suffering from.

That is the only obvious explanation as to why I suddenly look forward to being wounded in places I can't bandage on my own, so that Neji can clean and wrap them for me. I'm worried that it's clouding my judgment on missions, and jeopardizing the safety of both myself and my teammates.

And that's also why I was planning on using tomorrow training session with Neji as a chance to tell him I'm leaving Team Gai and stopping our training together.

If he wants to be with someone else, that is good for him. I want him to be happy, but it will be at my expense. I don't want to slip up one day and hurt him, or Lee, or even Gai-sensei just because I have "special feelings" for him that I have no plans whatsoever of telling him about.

Besides, this is going to happen eventually. Neji wants ANBU, and Neji gets what he wants. And whatever Neji wants, Lee will undoubtedly want to beat him in it. So if Neji goes ANBU, Lee is sure to follow.

I don't want ANBU. I know I've spent a good portion of my life on missions and Team Gai, but the secrecy and the constant work is too much for me. I like to fool myself into thinking I have the option of going out and not training with Neji, and I wouldn't be able to do that in ANBU.

I'm going to refer to it as a pre-emptive strike. My leaving, that is. Lee and Neji will have to get better at working together anyways, as they will inevitably end up partnered together a lot. So my leaving is, in fact, beneficial to them in the long run. They will realize, perhaps sometime soon, that my leaving is a good thing. And then maybe once they realize that, they'll forgive me.

Well, scratch that. Lee will forgive me immediately, if I can make him believe I actually want this. Neji, on the other hand, is going to see my leaving for what it is—quitting. Neji despises quitters. He feels that there is no such thing as an impossible task, and that while overcoming some obstacles may take more time and work than others, they can eventually be surpassed. He is going to ridicule me, and try to bait me into backing down and staying on the team.

But I will stand firm in my decision, because on top of deciding to leave Team Gai, I have decided to throw myself into the "dating scene" as Sakura called it. I am 19 years old, I have never been kissed, and I am tired of waiting around for Neji, especially now that he has someone else in his life.

Tomorrow will be my introduction into the dating scene. Sakura and Ino are spending today planning my hair, makeup, and wardrobe. I trust them to make good choices so that I don't look like I'm desperate, which I really am. They were surprised that I was moving my break out to tomorrow, since I'd told them it would have to be next week, or the next time Neji canclled on me.

They were more bummed about him canceling than I was, I think. At least, they _acted_ more bummed out than I did. I was pretty crushed about it. I still kinda am.

Whatever! I don't need him for anything, especially for training! Let him have a girlfriend. I hope they get married and have a million freaky eyed kids and that he realizes he should've been with me and that he's miserable and—

No, that is not how I want it to go. I want him to be happy, but at the same time I feel like he would be happiest with me. I thought we _were_ happy, as friends at least, up until that first cancellation. Obviously I was wrong, but it's not as if that soothes my wounds in any way.

This is why I repress things. It is so much easier to sweep my problems under the rug and pretend as if nothing is changed, when in reality a major thing has changed that has the possibility of changing the entire dynamic of our friendship.

My main problem now, outside of entering the dating scene, is telling Neji about Team Gai. I was going to tell him after training tomorrow, or maybe even before so that he'd be able to enjoy it more. That plan is obviously not going to work anymore, so I'm going to have to hunt him down at the Hyuuga estates.

Just what I was hoping to be able to do tomorrow, that is for sure.

I hope Neji doesn't kill me for quitting.


	2. The Truth Comes Out, Almost

A/N: I can't guarantee this is typo free. I didn't bother betaing it, and I am really, really tired. Thanks for reading, folks! It's much appreciated! :)

Disclaimer: I'm not creative enough to have created Naruto.

* * *

"_Neji, I'm leaving Team Gai."_

_He stared at me for a long moment, eyes as piercing as always, before he spoke._

"_What?"_

_I was so nervous, and I was trying very hard not to let it show._

"_You heard me. I'm disbanding Team Gai…Well, not disbanding it, per se, as you and Lee and Gai-sensei will still be there, but for all intents and purposes I'm breaking up Team Gai as we know it…And I won't be training with you anymore."_

_He stared at me for another long moment, and this time when he opened his mouth, the most beautiful words came out._

"_You can't leave Team Gai, or our training sessions. I will not allow it."_

"_Oh, please, Neji, I can do whatever I want whenever I want. And right now I want to leave the team and the training sessions. Don't you think you can tell me what I can and can't do, Neji Hyuuga!"_

_He shook his head and when he looked at me, there was something warm in his eyes. And when he spoke, his voice held the same warmth I saw in his eyes._

"_No, you don't understand. You can't quit because—"_

"Tenten!"

My eyes flew open and I shot up in bed to be assaulted with the visual of green spandex and white eyes.

It was just a dream…

"Why is it so bright in here? And better yet, what are you doing in my apartment? Neji, I thought training was canceled!"

Neji opened his mouth to reply but Lee cut him to the chase with his usual gusto.

"We have been assigned a mission, Tenten! We will travel to the city of Iwa, and once there we must go undercover to recover a stolen heirloom! Is this not a joyous occasion? Team Gai has not had a mission together in weeks!"

It is too early for this. Way too early. It is also very bad for my plans. How can I keep my promise to quit if we've been assigned a mission? Hopefully it isn't that important…

"Is there something wrong, Tenten? You do not seem as eager as usual to be assigned such a fantastic mission! In fact, one might even be so bold as to say you seem reluctant!"

Lee knows how to make telling the truth hard. Because the real truth is, I can't do this mission. If I ever want to go through with my plan, I need to do it now.

"Tenten, are you alright?"

Oh Lee, you are so thoughtful sometimes! Neji hasn't said a word, which is typical. I haven't been able to look either of them in the eye and nobody notices until Lee is done rejoicing over our good fortune to be handed this mission.

"I'm quitting Team Gai. I was planning on telling you both today."

If I had crickets near my apartment, I bet I could hear them chirping right now, it was so silent.

After a moment, though, the sobs started. From Lee, of course. I looked up at Neji, but he was staring at my face in disbelief, so I ducked my face down and started fixing my hair into my customary buns.

"TENTEN HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH AN AWFUL THING? ARE WE NOT HAPPY? HAVE WE BEEN NEGLECTING YOU? YOU ARE STILL YOUNG AND FULL OF YOUTH! WE NEED YOU TO KEEP OUR TEAM TOGETHER!"

Lee's cries went on and on, and it was getting a whole lot easier to block them out. I finally convinced myself I was doing the right thing and looked Neji straight in the eyes.

And I saw nothing. It wasn't anything like my dream, where his eyes filled with that special warmth that seemed reserved only for me… They were empty. And that made me scared. I mean, at the very least I expected him to be furious, and start demanding reasons as to why I would abandon everything I'd lived up to until this point.

But he wasn't saying anything. Lee's sobs were echoing around the room, but at this point nothing was louder than Neji's silence. His disapproval of my decision was evident, to me at least, and still he said nothing.

"NEJI, YOU MUST CONVINCE OUR DEAREST FLOWER TO STAY WITH US! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT HER? SHE IS SO—"

"Lee, that's _enough_."

Ooh, Neji sounds pissed.

"A man named Jin has lost a valuable scroll that has been passed down for many years in his family, and the man who he believes is behind it only sells to wealthy married couples, preferably newlyweds. Team Gai is the only jonin squad with all members available, mainly you. Sakura and Ino are off on a short trip and Hinata is currently attending to Hyuuga matters and cannot be detained. You are the only option at this point, and we can't say no. The Hokage has informed me that this is not the kind of mission we can turn down, Tenten."

He stared at her, hard.

"Do what you will after the mission is over, but for now your village needs you. Is this not the reason you became a kunoichi in the first place?"

He sure has a lot of nerve, talking to me like that! Of course he's right, and now I definitely have to go on the mission, but I wish he wasn't so pompous about it! He could at least try to act as if my leaving didn't just offend his delicate code of honor.

"I know why I became a ninja, Neji, and I certainly don't need you to remind me why. Just because I'm leaving the team and our training sessions—"

"_What?_"

Oops, I guess I forgot to mention that part.

"Well, what I mean to say is, since, you know, I'm leaving the team, our training together doesn't make any sense! Yeah, right now we're on the same team, so it's beneficial and just common sense for us to train together, but this had to happen sometime. I hate to break this to you, Neji, but we can't train together forever. Besides, it certainly won't hurt you to train with Lee now!"

"Explain yourself in more detail, Tenten."

Ooh, damn, he is _so_ _pissed_!

"Uh, what I mean to say is that, uh… Basically, we train together because we are on the same team, and Lee, back in our genin days, wasn't enough of a challenge for you and so you had nothing to gain by training with him. I, on the other hand, have always been a supreme wielder of weapons, and as such you viewed me as a worthy opponent. However, now that we will no longer be teammates, our training together serves no purpose. Training together has helped improve our teamwork, but without the team it's just work. That is why I have decided to stop training with you."

He isn't looking at me anymore. Even Lee is silent. Why is ending our training feeling like I'm breaking up with him? _He_ technically broke up with _me_ if you wanted to view our training sessions as a quasi-relationship. Sure, he's never stood me up or anything, but he keeps backing out on our meetings, which could be construed as dates. And who wants a boyfriend who doesn't want to spend time with her?

I do. It's awful, but it's true. With Neji…I mean, when he backs out of training, I'm depressed. Well, not depressed. Majorly bummed, perhaps. But when he shows up for training the next day, it's as if it doesn't matter. Training with Neji makes me happy. Right now, it's probably the highlight of my week, since it's been happening less and less lately.

Yeah, we spend time together outside of our training grounds, but it's usually either with Lee and/or Gai or after training when we're both starving or completely exhausted and just need to lie down for a bit. It isn't a lot, and it isn't often. Most of the time we just train and part ways, since it usually lasts for most of the day.

No! I have to stop thinking like this! If my brain keeps up like this, I'm never going to leave.

Okay, now I sound like a battered wife. Which I kind of am, if you consider how often my emotions get abused being on this team. Have you noticed how all the other rookies have at least has a boyfriend by now?

Not me, because in order to fit in on my team I've been forced to repress any feelings I might have besides anger and frustration at enemies and channel it into intense training with my psycho teammate.

That is not true, Neji is not crazy. Lee and Gai-sensei are crazy, but not Neji. He's too smart to be crazy…

"Tenten? Are you listening to me?"

I guess I kind of zoned out there for a bit. Oops.

"Uh, yeah, sure, sorry! What were you saying?"

I focused my gaze and for the first time realized that he wasn't in his typical white garb, but a tight fitting black number that I could only assume was for the sake of the mission. That and Lee had mysteriously disappeared. Was I really that out of it?

Maybe doing one last mission wouldn't be so bad after all!

"I asked if that was the only reason. You're holding back, Tenten, I can tell."

He tapped his temple and smirked at me. Stupid, pompous Neji. The only plus about him being able to read me is that that road goes both ways—he can read me, Byakugan or not, and I can read him.

And Neji is tense! I don't know why, but he is totally dreading my answer! This is excellent; I can totally feel myself getting the upper hand! Now it's time to formulate a witty comeback.

"There's that and that I seem to find training more important than you do, if all the times you've canceled recently are any indication."

Shit! _Shit!_ I just told him the truth! What was I _thinking_?

This is so embarrassing, I hope Neji isn't freaked out he's—

Wait, what? He's _relaxed_? Why would me admitting that make him comfortable? I mean, what could he possibly have suspected? That I was leaving his dark training grounds for greener ones?

"I was worried for a moment there, Tenten, that your reasoning was something significant that I wouldn't be able to counter. But if it's as simple as that, I will stop canceling our training sessions."

A smug smile spread out on his face as he considered what he just said.

"Uh, sorry Neji, but it doesn't work like that. You don't get to screw around with me and then just magically try to fix things after I've had to tell you what the problem was. Do you respect me at _all_? I thought after all these years we were at least friends, no matter how distant you still tend to be sometimes, but really? You must know me better than that, Neji! My decision is final—I'm not training with you anymore. I'll do this last mission with you, and then that's it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore, I need a _life_. You can go ahead and work until you're in ANBU, but I'm not letting you leave me in the dust without a purpose or direction."

I shook my head in frustration. He is so irritating, _especially_ when he's in that outfit!

"I want a life outside of being a ninja, Neji, and being on Team Gai and training with you all the time won't get it for me. I've already made other plans for when we usually train, so it isn't like I'll be around for you to ambush. I'm sorry, Neji, but this is the way it has to be."

Neji was the epitome of cool and collected as he stood and left my apartment, throwing out a, "Meet us by the gate in an hour. We're supposed to be a wealthy couple who has just been married, and you need clothes and a different hairstyle to play the part." as he sauntered out.

I screwed that one up royally, that's for sure. At least now I can move on to finding the perfect man for me.

And at least I managed to hold back that I'm entering the dating scene. How appalling would _that_ be if Neji found out? Thankfully this mission will be a good excuse to start acting differently. Less like a hardened killer and more like a delicate damsel who barely knows what a kunai is, let alone knows how to kill a man 100 different ways with one.

This dating thing is going to be harder than I thought.


	3. And They're Off!

A/N; Sorry this took so long, I kind of got a bit carried away with this chapter. I was going to save the ending for later, but it just kind of fit, so I hope nobody thinks I'm rushing things along. Gaaah! I will second guess this chapter for the rest of eternity. A big thanks to everyone again for taking the time out to review!

Disclaimer: Nothing, it's what I own.

* * *

I can't believe I got suckered into doing another newlyweds mission with Neji.

Honestly! I told myself after the last fake-couple mission (which was a barely avoided disaster) that I wasn't going to do the newlywed/happy couple/married/together in any way thing with Neji anymore. I told myself that after I slipped up last time, after my feelings for him became too apparent, that I couldn't do anymore missions like that.

Is it normal for missions to hurt your heart? And not necessarily hurt in a bad way, either. The last newlywed couple mission we did was the highlight of my month, after the embarrassment of nearly revealing my feelings to him died down.

That mission was a lot like this one, actually. We had to pose as a recently married couple who would seem so absorbed in each other that no one would suspect anything negative about us as we investigated a stolen artifact.

I do not want to think about that mission anymore.

Why is it that recovering heirlooms and the like always seems to call for fake relationships being formed in order for the mission to be successful? It's torture, really. Either you have feelings for the person you get paired with, or at the point that your team starts receiving the missions, you're such good friends with the teammate you're coupled off with that thinking of them in that way is disgusting.

Although I still don't know if I'd prefer it if Lee was in Neji's place…

Ugh! The mere _thought_ of being paired with Lee on a mission like this makes me cringe.

Either way, this sucks.

Why aren't there any all girl teams? It's always one girl and two boys grouped together. I suppose it's better two boys than two girls, as boys are less likely to fight over the third teammate if feelings arose.

Being at the hair salon always makes me reflect on whatever situation I've found myself in. First having someone else wash your hair is one of the nicest feelings in the world, if they're good at it. (And trust me, you do _not_ want to know what it's like to have a bad hair wash) Second the _snipsnipsnip_ of scissors is, for whatever reason, especially soothing on my psyche, no matter how troubled it is.

Right now I am very troubled, since I am currently in the unfortunate bind of loving Neji and having to "fake" that I have feelings for him. So all I really have to do is act how I _want_ to, and not how I have been recently in order to spare myself the misery of rejection, in order to pull this mission off.

Love is _so_ inconvenient! I was happy in my ignorance. Just last week I was a different person with different problems. Sure, I still had the same feelings, but I was totally and completely repressing them to the point of convincing myself they were less than they were.

It's one thing, I have discovered, to think you like a person and realize that you, in fact, _love_ them.

If I'd been handed this mission last week, I would've jumped on it. A chance to see what it was like to have my "feelings" acknowledged—and reciprocated—by Neji? Divine! Perfect! Completely and utterly fantastic!

Now I am dreading this mission. What if I mess up? What if my choice to leave Team Gai prevents Lee and Neji from properly carrying out our roles? What if I do my part a little too well and Neji suspects? What if, in that case, Neji rejects me?

"Awful, awful, awful…"

"Excuse me, dear?"

Oh, I guess I said that out loud. Now my hairdresser is going to think I'm crazy, sitting in the chair and muttering to myself. My hairdresser and me, we don't usually converse. The polite "Hello, how have you been since the last time I saw you?" and "Thank you so much, you did a wonderful job! See you next time!" is basically all I say to her. Ever. And my thank you is probably a little empty since I get my hair cut the same every time I come in here: all the same length, and only a trim of an inch or two off the bottom.

When you wear your hair in buns everyday, styling your hair is the least of your worries.

Now, however, I have a part to play. A wealthy woman, especially one with a new husband to please, isn't going to settle for two buns on the top of her head every single day. Oh no, she is going to have a hair style that she can wear down, or up, or anywhere in-between.

So that's how I'm getting it cut today. My long, long length isn't being shortened entirely, but my hairdresser is insisting on layers. Who am I to argue? I don't know anything about hair styling. If I haven't mentioned it enough, I wear the same two buns everyday and only for practicality. The only time my hair is down is when I'm sleeping at home. I keep my hair up on missions in case something happens in the middle of the night and I need to spring into battle.

Lee must've been really distracted by the mission not to say anything about my hair, actually. Usually he flashes his teeth/thumbs up combo at me and/or starts delivering a speech about my youth and how I am a flower waiting to bloom, if only I would wear my hair down more often so others could see my true beauty!

And then he starts crying.

Neji's reaction is typical for Neji in the sense that he has no reaction. Since the only occasion for him to be seeing my hair is to wake me up, it usually means we have to be somewhere and he is too busy lecturing me on my sluggishness and late tendencies to acknowledge the change.

Not that something as insignificant as my hair down is worthy of his acknowledgment anyways. I'd be getting ahead of myself if I thought Neji would actually mention it, or make any sort of reference to it at all.

Thankfully my hairdresser understands my desire to keep my hair long. I suppose some could say my hair is my security blanket, but what do I need security against? I'm a ninja, I can take care of myself easily.

To tell you the truth, I guess I just feel like it's my one last feminine feature. I've never been big on makeup or clothing or anything remotely girl-like. My hair is that one thing I've always taken pride in. it's always been longer than Sakura's and Ino's, and while it is always up in buns, I keep it in the best condition possible.

So I guess getting my hair cut is kind of like severing ties with my girly side, which would be really bad since as of whenever this mission is over I will have to start embracing my girly side and start attracting guys.

At least, that is what I hope will happen. The reality is that I will probably go out, look and feel like a fool, come home, regret my decision, and then get lectured by Sakura and Ino about what I did wrong and how I am going out there again and not doing whatever I did wrong that day. Which will be everything.

"There, all done!"

My hairdresser spun me around with a flourish and presented my new self to me.

Holy shit this is _weird_! I hate to go into big descriptions of myself, but I have, whaddaya call them…layers! Yes, I've heard of layers before…and some long bangs. Oh, my poor, long hair, I love you so much!

Stupid mission. I hate that this isn't the first time I've had to style my hair to pertain to the mission guidelines. Who knows that rich women don't lure men in with two buns on their head? While I suppose my track record isn't too great (aka nonexistent) that is not enough evidence against my hairstyle being capable of luring in men. I mean, it isn't as if I've ever put in any effort at all into my looks, and when I have it's been for missions. And I'm not exactly going to pick up a nice guy while I'm parading myself off as some rich, newly-hitched girl.

"This is…really, really awesome! And different! Thank you so much!"

My hairdresser simply nodded at me and took my thanks and payment, only smiling and offering me luck on this mission.

Speaking of the mission, Neji better like my hair or I'm going to fucking _rip his spine out_.

I'm assuming that we'll have some mode of transportation other than walking, because Neji didn't mention to dress normally and bring a change of clothes for when we get nearby Iwa.

I hope we get a ride to Iwa, because I am not wearing these shoes for walking long distances. Plus Neji was dressed for the occasion, so it's safe to assume that I'm right.

Packing for missions like this one is always tough, because I'm not allowed to bring my big scroll, even though I really, really want to.

Instead I am forced to pack all of my mini scrolls, or if those are too much, less. But I try to pack as much as possible. On missions like these, though, it doesn't usually work out. To play the part of being rich you need to have a bunch of crap that proves it.

Right now I've packed plenty of outfits, hairpins, makeup, shoes, jewelry, and my scrolls, as well as other necessities. Putting on the façade of being wealthy is hard work! I just barely had enough room for my scrolls, and I've been forced to release some and carry the weapons on my person.

I hope Neji doesn't notice the weapons on me, or he'll lecture me again on how someone might notice them and then wonder what a nice, rich newlywed girl is doing with a plethora of kunai up her dress.

The only positive result of that conversation was when Neji blushed after mentioning having the kunai up my dress. I certainly wouldn't mind having _him_ up my dress, _that's_ for sure!

Oh my God, I do not believe that I just said that. Sometimes I disgust myself. Other times I like to delude myself into thinking that thoughts like that are more lustful than loving, but I'm only good at repressing things in my head, not lying to myself about them.

I'm going to check my apartment one more time, just to make sure I have everything I could possibly need. My hair keeps swinging in my face, and I'm hoping I look different enough that people won't recognize me on my way to my place.

Opening the door to my apartment, I can't help but love it. It's pretty sparse, except for where I have some of my favorite weapons that I don't actually use in combat on the walls. Well, of course I use them in combat, but not those specific ones! Please, I'm no amateur who judges a weapon off of its looks.

Glancing around my apartment only serves to reassure me that I do, in fact, have everything that I might need on this trip, and then some. I'm sure Neji will still disapprove of something, or think up something insane that never would've crossed my mind to bring, but oh well, I can't win them all.

I wish this mission wasn't happening. I wish I could've not seen Neji and Lee today, and just gone ahead with my plan of—

Wait. Neji lied to me! He said that we had to do this mission because I was the only available female with a fully ready squad, but I was just talking to Sakura and Ino yesterday! Unless they just failed to mention their trip…

Although, now that I think about it, I vaguely recall them mentioning an excursion out of town as a mini-vacation…

Sakura and Ino lied to me!! Ooh, they're going to rue the day they crossed me!

I can't help the loud sigh that bursts from my lips and attracts the attention of some of the other Konoha inhabitants as I head towards the gate. So if I hadn't been given this mission, I would only have been able to look forward to a boring day home alone, without even Sakura and Ino to provide me company. Great!

Shouldering my bag, I have to make a conscious effort to make my walking stance more feminine and all-around delicate. My typical quick, nonexistant steps aren't going to cut it. A wealthy girl isn't going to be thinking too much on where the steps she's taking are going, or whether or not people can hear them and then be alerted to her presence.

I have to keep my steps light, but in a different way. They have to be light in an adorable, cutesy, she's-just-so-delicate-all-the-_time_ kind of way.

It was hard enough learning how to walk all the time without making a sound, but it's even harder having to go back and act as if you don't know how.

People underestimate how hard it is, having to fake being rich. It's not as difficult for Neji as it is for me, since Neji has grown up in an aristocratic type of society. While the Hyuugas do, obviously, have money, Neji doesn't have as much as a main branch member.

Not that he isn't loaded, because he totally is. It's a mix of his income as a Hyuuga family member, payment from missions, and his irrational saving tendencies. You would think having money would make him a spendthrift, but I nearly had to break his arm to convince him that he needed a new wardrobe after he started growing out of his old uniform!

The joys of shopping are lost on him, I swear.

It's not as if I'm a big spender either, especially since a lot of my money goes away for missions like these, so that I can not only look and play the part of a wealthy woman, but so I can afford the clothes that go along with these missions.

I mean, seriously, this kimono I have to wear right now? It cost two times what I pay for an expensive weapon—and some of my weapons were _expensive_. Plus this was my cheapest kimono since I got it for "travelling purposes", which basically means that I'm going to be sitting down in some sort of caravan or some rich person form of transportation for long distances, but still look good.

On the other hand, it is nice to get to wear fancy silks every once in awhile and just feel pretty. It is extremely difficult to find beauty in a person who is covered in sweat and blood for 80% of her year, let me tell you.

Well, it's hard unless you're Neji or Sasuke, but then they're good looking in every condition under the sun.

But my kimono now is nice, and all the cloth is good for concealing weapons both in the fabric and on my body.

If Neji knew I literally had weapons on me, he would probably lecture me about mission safety and then force me to hand them all over. One of these days I'm just going to tell him that if he wants the weapons gone so badly, he can take them off of me himself.

Ugh, who am I kidding? I'm blushing just _thinking_ about saying that to him!

Shaking my head to collect my thoughts and dispel the ones I am currently mulling on, I spot Lee doing push ups in his typical green, although he's ditched the legwarmers and jumpsuit for a green and black ensemble that he probably thinks is characteristic of bodyguards. Neji is seated beside him, and from what I can tell at this distance he's meditating.

He's probably thinking about _her_.

No! I've already said, I don't care if he's with someone else (lie) as long as he's happy! I have to stop letting my emotions drive my actions. Neji would be disappointed in me if he knew how often lately I've been doing what I wanted and not what was best for everyone else.

Describing him like that, he kind of sounds like a snob. Except that he isn't. I'm just, once again, letting my bitterness towards his ditching me for some other girl overshadow all my other thoughts concerning him.

Stupid emotions. Who needs 'em? I certainly don't, that is for sure.

"Tenten, would you hurry up? We need to be in Iwa by nightfall to make our reservations at the hotel."

Oh. I guess I stopped walking at some point. Feeling stupid for standing in place for so long, I jogged as quickly as I could in my kimono to where Neji and Lee were.

"So, brave knight, where is your noble steed that will carry us to our next destination and, dare I hope for it, our imminent nuptials?"

Teasing Neji is one of my favorite parts of being such close friends with him. If anyone else made a joke like that to him, even Lee, he would just dismiss it. It makes me feel special that I'm the only one he lets that close to him—besides his girlfriend, that is. It would be safe to assume that he lets her say whatever she wants to him, right?

"Our nuptials aren't something to joke about, Tenten. But I must say it is with _great_ joy that I announce Takahashi Ayame and Hojo husband and wife."

A shiver slid down my spine as he punctuated his words by sliding a ring on my finger. I might've taken it a little more seriously if he hadn't sounded so sarcastic while announcing it, the bastard. Risking a glance at his face, I was slightly let down to see that he wasn't even looking at me, but rummaging around for something in his pocket.

He was slipping on his ring when I noticed that Lee was still doing push ups.

"Lee, really, it's time to go. You can finish your exercises when we get to Iwa. Speaking of which, if I'm Ayame and Neji's Hojo—which is such a lame name, by the way—then who are you?"

Lee pushed off the ground and landed nimbly on his feet, clapping his hands together to rid them of dust.

"We have decided that I will simply go by Lee, and no other name! Not many people should be asking after a bodyguard anyways, yeah?"

"It was decided for us that we should use different names for this mission, on the off chance that our previous names are recognized by someone and thus ruins the mission. Besides, Tenten, you'll only need this name for a couple weeks at most. Then you can revert back to your ordinary self."

Neji raised an eyebrow in my general direction, but I decided to take the high road and simply scoff at his words.

"Whatever, Neji! I just want it on the record that I would never marry anyone with the name Hojo. I mean, you can hardly get a name more boring than Hojo, especially compared to some of the people I've run into on missions!"

Since I know Neji is looking at me, I've decided the only safe route is to fiddle with the locks of hair that have blown in my face.

"Tenten! Might I take this glorious moment to expound upon the beauty that is yourself?! With your hair down and that kimono, you are the perfect example of youthful splendor!"

I am very bad at hiding my blushes. It probably stems from the fact that I rarely, if ever, blush, and as such have no type of defense against the rising heat in my cheeks.

"Give it a rest, Lee. You say that nearly every time we go undercover on missions! It's just the fact that I'm trying a bunch of different things at once, that's what it _always_ is. I mean, really, it's just a haircut and some makeup, plus some fancy clothes. Nothing too major!"

Okay, that was a pretty obvious lie, but whatever.

"Could we get going, please? We're nearly running late as it is!"

Ah, Neji, you are so impatient sometimes.

"Sure, we can get going whenever you want to leave. I'm actually surprised you didn't want to stop and say goodbye to anyone before we left. It's not too late, you know, if you did. Want to say goodbye to someone, that is."

So I'm kind of rambling. I don't want to just blurt out that I know he has a girlfriend, especially in front of Lee who will probably explode from happiness once he hears.

Neji is giving me a strange look, as if he can't figure out what is going on in my head.

I certainly don't blame him; _I_ rarely know what's going on in my head.

"I have already said my farewells to those I wanted to say goodbye to, just as always. Do you really think that I'd leave something of that nature until the last minute?"

He still has that weirded out look on his face! Geez, the question wasn't _that_ weird—well, okay, yes it totally was. Of course Neji would say goodbye to everyone, I was just hoping for a chance to see where the bitch—that, is, his girlfriend—lives.

"Well, you know how it is! It can never hurt to check, really. Right?"

I would attempt a laugh, but I'm afraid it would come out too nervous or forced, and Neji would leap on that in a second. Instead I'll have to settle for his strange looks, as well as Lee darting glances between Neji and me. Oh well, it's better than the alternative, otherwise known as Neji discovering my feelings and totally rejecting me and leaving me heartbroken and dying on the inside as my inner organs begin to shut down, starting with my shattered heart.

I've recently discovered that my imagination tends to run a little towards the overdramatic side. This, I have also discovered, is not beneficial to me in the long term. It is also detrimental to my sensibilities, because I start convincing myself that the worst will happen and then start avoiding instances where I could run into a situation like it.

Which is another way to phrase why I am quitting Team Gai. Because, you know, eventually the worst is going to happen and I'm going to fuck up royally and hurt somebody who doesn't deserve to be hurt because of my negligence.

But I digress. I need to stop spacing out like this, or I'm really going to find myself in a bad situation.

"Tenten, are you ready to go?"

Neji was holding his hand out to me to help me in the coach that the Hokage must've ordered for us to use. When did that arrive, anyways?

I looked at it for a long moment. Did I really want to do this? Going on this mission would be jeopardizing a lot of the defenses I've put up around myself. But what choice do I have, really?

So I take his hand and sit beside him in the coach. A married couple will be all over each other, of course…Wait. That doesn't mean—it _couldn't_, could it?

"Neji, we won't have to…physically show signs of our love, will we?"

Oh God, my voice just cracked. And I sound really anxious. This sucks, and he's laughing at me!

"Well, Tenten, I know we've only had to fake our relationships before, but this mission is much more serious than the previous missions we've been on. There may indeed be situations that call for us to put on a show to fool the others into believing our devotion to each other. Did this really only occur to you just now?"

He says that as if it should've been the first thing to cross my mind when he mentioned the mission!

"Yes, it only occurred to me right now! It's not exactly my life's dream to kiss you, Neji. (lie) Besides, I don't…"

This has got to be the most embarrassing situation I've ever been in. Ever. Thank God Lee is still packing his bags, or I'd die of mortification.

"You don't what?"

I am physically incapable, at this moment, of looking at Neji. I don't think I can even glance at him, I am so embarrassed. And he has the—the _nerve_ to sound amused! He finds my humiliation completely hilarious!

"I don't think I could properly, you know…pull it off. Faking being in love with you and, uh… KissingyouImeanbecauseI'veneverdoneitbefore."

The blush, oh God I can feel it heating up my face and turning it a bright red. I cannot, under ANY circumstance, look at him. _This is so awful on every level!!_

"That is not a real problem, Tenten, as it is easily remedied."

He doesn't mean—he _can't _mean that? Can he?

"But I don't—Are you saying—_I want my first kiss to mean something!_ I don't want it to be thrown away for the sake of a mission! That's so…insensitive!"

My anger is giving me the confidence I need to look at him fully, and he is just shaking his head!

"I know you think that the idea that a first kiss is something precious is, you know, frivolous. But I don't think it's frivolous, Neji! When I get kissed for the first time I want it to—_mmmmphh!_"

His lips are warm and soft. I never would've guessed that about him.

The kiss is kind of awkward, because I don't know what I'm doing, but Neji seems to be doing an okay of leading me. It's so simple, kissing. It's like a soft massage of your lips on someone else's…but nice. Very, very nice.

My body is warming up as the kiss, no matter how chaste, continues to sends sparks down to my curling toes.

Not wanting to look like I am actually enjoying it, I pull away quickly, taking a deep breath as I do so.

Neji _kissed_ me. _Neji_ kissed _me._ _Neji kissed me!_

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it? Now you initiate it."

Er, what? Did he just suggest that _I_ kiss _him_? He can't seriously expect me to—

"Tenten, really. People will wonder if I'm the only one who is initiating things between us, especially since we're supposed to be deeply in love. Just don't think about it, alright?"

I think I'm going to have a heart attack. What if someone sees us? I mean, there are covers on the windows and the door is closed, but _someone might see us!_ Like his girlfriend! Or his family! _Or anyone!_

"Tenten, just do it!"

"Alright, fine!"

So I did it. I took a deep breath, leaned forward, and placed my lips on Neji's.

It was clumsy. I accidentally bumped his nose, then pulled back to recover, but he caught me off guard and followed me back, placing his lips back over mine.

I couldn't help smiling into the kiss, because, really, if you had told me yesterday that the next morning I would be going on a mission and practicing kissing with Neji, I wouldn't have believed you. A part of me would've hoped, but it would ultimately end up being a lie.

As I grew more accustomed to kissing Neji—_ha!_ As if I could ever get used to it—I started realizing a couple things. For one, we weren't touching anywhere besides our lips. I was still sitting a little away from him, with my leg pulled up on the seat. He was still ensconced in the corner, with his arm up on the windowsill.

For another, the kiss was going on kind of long and I really needed air again.

I pulled back once more, completely out of breath. And it wasn't even a real kiss! That is how sad I am!

I couldn't help but laugh a little breathlessly. Imagine, me kissing Neji!

"I guess you're right, Neji. It isn't really something to write home about!"

That is a lie if I've ever heard one. I am bursting with the desire to write Sakura and Ino to tell them what's happened!

"Really? Because we're going to have to make it much more convincing than that. We can continue once we're in Iwa and we have more…privacy."

He shot a narrowed glance over my shoulder and I realized the creaking noise was Lee opening the door to the coach.

"I am all packed and ready to go! Let us be off on this splendid day for our long-awaited mission! Tenten, are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed."

I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped my lips and then evolved into a full on giggling fit. A little flushed? My God, I felt like I was dying, but in a good way! I don't even want to imagine what I'll feel like when we—well, "get more convincing."

All I have to do is remember that this isn't real, which should be easy.

Right?


End file.
